Women are sex addicted.  In fact approximately 20% of those seeking help for sex addiction are females.  Perhaps more women would seek treatment if they understood sex addiction and that there is treatment available for the problem.

Sometimes we think of a sex addict as a man sitting in front of a computer addicted to pornography or a male out seeking prostitutes and lying to his partner.  We might think of a sex addict as a popular figure in the entertainment industry or a sports figure having compulsive rounds of infidelity and lying about it.   Usually these people are men.

But sex addiction in women can show up in those ways as well.  Or it can manifest in compulsive behaviors that are disturbing to the woman’s life, and hard to stop.  Addiction is best defined by a behavior that one tries to stop and can’t, and that is continued despite negative consequences.   

Sex addiction in women can show up in multiple relationships, affairs, compulsive masturbation, excessive flirting, stripping, dancing inappropriately in clubs, being an exhibitionist in public in the way she moves or dresses or flirts or coming on to authority figures or people at work or school.  Some female sex addicts will have plastic surgery to appear more sexual, will engage in flashing, compulsive visits to sex clubs and S&m clubs, going into  high-risk places and engaging in quick sexual acts with strangers, prostitution,  one night stands, cyber sex, or exchanging sex for drugs or other favors.

Many women who are true sex addicts and suffer from these behaviors were sexually abused as children; some say as high as 78% of all female sex addicts.  This trauma can lead to a compulsive repetition of the trauma from their childhood in an effort to repair the damage or to reenact the trauma to try to have control over the outcome – this time.

Female sex addicts may try to cut themselves off completely from sexuality and become “sexually anorexic” which means to experience no sexual feeling or desire.  They convince themselves that this will keep them out of trouble and for many it may work, for a time.  But most sex addicts will revert back to addictive patterns eventually, unless they get help.

Getting help for sexual compulsions that are out of control is the number one priority.  Risks are great that sex addicts will acquire sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, physical violence, loss of marriages, relationships, jobs and important family members.   The damage to self esteem is a huge risk unless they identify that they are powerless over those behaviors and no longer blame their partner, or their job, or their past for their addiction, and get the help they need.

Female sex addiction can show up as relationship or love addiction – going from one unrealistic or inappropriate relationship to another – hoping for a glimpse of attention or satisfaction – but always feeling unfulfilled.

Sex addiction is not really about sex or love, however.  It is a desperate attempt to achieve some type of control over anxiety, fear or an inner drive to repeat a behavior over and over, expecting that this time the results will be different.

If you are a woman and think you have a problem, find a therapist who understands sex addiction.  Twelve step groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sex &  Love Anonymous can be found online and should be a priority for women seeking treatment as well.

Recovery from sex addiction is a process and takes time.  But with a supportive twelve step group and  a good therapist, recovery can lead to a full and satisfying life, with rich relationships and a healthy lifestyle.

The sad fact is that many of us don’t know how to deal with the hurt and we shut down. That’s not a problem as long as it’s only temporary, but some people just don’t snap out of it and they live the rest of their lives not trusting or loving anyone again… and that is a true shame.

When you deeply love someone it’s impossible to believe that you could ever love anyone again, especially the first time you fall in love.  But, as you grow older and have more experiences you’ll learn that you can love many people throughout your lifetime and while no two relationships will be exactly the same, they can all be very fulfilling and you can feel deep love in each one.

When it comes to finding the best way to move through the heartache of a broken relationship it’s best to remember that you have (or can have with some practice) complete control over your thoughts. You can teach yourself to stop wallowing in the pain and force yourself to think more positively about the future. When you learn to do this you will find that you will move on so much more quickly after a painful situation.

If this sounds dumb to you, think of it like this: if you cut yourself and a scab forms when does the cut hurt the most?  When you are ignoring it and going about your daily life or when you are sitting looking at it and picking at the scab?  Sure, it might be somewhat painful all the time but when you focus on it you are focusing on the pain and of course, if you pay attention to it you’ll feel it more. It is the same concept with a broken relationship.

So, try mind over matter yourself next time you’re overcoming a relationship break up. Don’t dwell on the pain but focus on happy thoughts and you’ll see that you can move on a little more quickly.

 To really have a shot at getting back with your ex, and being happy, the first thing you should do is take a few steps back and give serious thought to what has happened and what needs to change so the two of you can have a stronger, more loving relationship. Owning up to your own shortcomings (for both of you) won’t be much fun but it’s a necessary step. 

There are some relationships that are just too unhealthy and they should never continue.  If you or your ex has some serious issues such as an abusive nature, or an addiction, you should not consider any type of reconciliation until those problems are dealt with. I don’t mean that you or your ex promises to get help, I mean that the person with the issue is going to counselling on a regular basis and has been for a while and there are real, tangible signs of change. 

The best course of action is to talk to your ex and let them know that you’d like to work on the relationship… together.  This will be good for several reasons.  For one thing, you will be showing your partner that you are treating your relationship seriously and that you care enough to invest the time it takes to make things right.  Another thing is that so many couples don’t work together well, learning to work together by working on your relationship is a great way to start, and it can really build trust between the two of you. 

Sometimes we need to lose someone we love to fully appreciate them, it’s sad but true.  If you find yourself in a cycle of relationship break up get back together, there are steps you can take to make sure that this time when you get back together it will work out and it will be good for both of you.