How to Deal with a Broken Heart

how to get over a broken heartHow to Deal with a Broken Heart

This article was written in partnership with eHarmony.com

I grab at my chest afraid that my heart might somehow explode out of my chest. I feel like I’m dying. I close my eyes and prepare for death. It’s got to be less painful than this.

Even lying on the bed requires too much energy. Somehow I manage to roll onto the floor. I am now literally laying flat on my back. My breath comes in short spurts. I try not to inhale too deeply because if I allow myself to breathe, I know that I will feel the searing pain in my heart.

So I hold my breath, anticipating the next wave of pain.

Inhale…inhale…exhale…sob…hold breath…repeat.

In a way it’s almost like giving birth.

I think about who I can call. Who will understand?

I texted my friend.

Me: I think I’m having a panic attack.
Her: What’s wrong?
Me: My heart is breaking.
As soon as I send these words my emotional water breaks and the tears came pouring out. I know that I will to have to deal with this. There is nowhere left for me to hide, nothing to distract me. No retail therapy or other men will fill the void and assuage the pain. I brace myself and let it wash over me.
I’m semi functional during the day but only because I don’t allow myself to feel anything. I walk around dead on the inside, almost zombie like. At night, the silence and nothingness of my dark room beckons to all of my repressed emotion. I completely fell apart but am careful enough to sob silently so as not to alert my roommates. I spend the next couple of weeks like this.
I don’t know exactly when the pain begins to subside but gradually I realized my heart isn’t as tender. The healing process has begun.

Though my heart had been broken many times before, this experience was different for several reasons:

1. I consciously altered an entrenched pattern
The morning I woke up and realized that I had deeper feelings for this man was anything but romantic, I decided to do things differently. It was downright terrifying. In the past, whenever I “liked” someone, it had always led to pain. To protect my heart, I stopped allowing myself to fall for anyone too deeply. When someone got too close and my fears and insecurities were triggered, I came up with creative ways to run away from the feelings.

This time, I made the conscious decision to do things differently. Instead of running away from the fear I felt, I found a way to express it; to myself through writing and to him in a way that he could hear.

In my conversation with him, I realized how much I had grown in my ability to communicate the emotions I was experiencing maturely and without judgment. Though he responded by telling me that he was “not ready for a relationship,” I was proud of myself for speaking my truth.

2. I let go of the relationship
The conversation revealed that what I wanted and what this man wanted were not the same. In the past, I would have stuck around, trying to convince him that he should want what I wanted; that he should want me.
Instead, I let him go.

I had the courage to say “no” to an experience that was not in alignment with what I wanted. Though it was emotionally painful, the truth of what I had given myself permission to do was a very powerful feeling.

3. I surrendered to the feelings
Over the next several months, I experienced so many different emotions; rejection, fear, pain and sadness. Instead of resisting or avoiding, I chose to give each of these feelings their space to rise and fall naturally.

I didn’t judge myself for being so “upset over a guy.” I was kind and loving and treated myself like I would a friend going through the same experience.

The feelings didn’t magically disappear. In fact, at times they were so strong it seemed I really would die from my broken heart. I was able to move through the pain and heal by facing my fears, opening my heart and surrendering.
Feelings are meant to be felt.

It’s OK to speak your truth.
Have the courage to let go of someone or something that is not aligned with who you are.

Good article on broken hearts

How to get over a breakup for girls

How to get over a breakup for girlsThe best way to get over a breakup, is to get him back, well that’s if you still want him.

Can I make him fall in love with me again?

All relationships go up and down, like waves on an ocean, some days it is all good and calm waters then suddenly a storm arrives and your relationship suffers, you may break up, you may not really know what happened. The love you felt for each other changes and you think it has gone forever. But wouldn’t it be cool if you could spot that and get that loving feeling back?

What do you need to do to make him fall for you again?

You need to spend time on yourself, take care of yourself. Your physical and mental well being is key to so many things, and especially to getting your guy back. Exercise and eating right is fundamental as is your appearance, you have to feel great inside and out and that will show itself to others. You will be more confident and he will notice that as will other people, you will become more desirable and you will turn more heads, not only his.

So things to consider are; get fit/toned, makeup changes, clothes, hair, manicure/pedicure and brighten up your smile/teeth. The changes are not meant to be life changing, but will definitely improve your self confidence and that will have a ripple affect on the people around you, particularly him. He will hear from others how you have improved and will be desperate to see you. And make it an easy decision for him to fall in love with you again. Remembering guys are simple souls.

It is always good to improve but do not do that to the detriment of who you are, you need to love yourself and if you do, he will find it easy to love you. Simply accept who you are and be comfortable and if you can improve the outer you, so much the better. The inner you is often a more beautiful person and once he realizes how beautiful you are on the outside as he has to first (being a guy), he will want to find out more about your inner beauty. He just needs some guidance and this advice will help you and him fall back in love.

So the big lesson is to learn to love yourself first and you will be a happier person and the simple tips mentioned here will help you. And you will shine and he will not be able to resist you. He has loved you before and probably wants to love you again, so give him that opportunity.

This shows you “How to get over a breakup for girls”

Breakup advice – Biggest Break Up Mistakes

advice for breakups

We have some breakup advice here, showing you the biggest break up mistakes, you may well be making right now, hopefully not but read on and see.

It is crucial you do not do any of these mistakes, even if you have a heart that is broken. If you do manage to avoid these, your chances will jump to over 60% to get back with your ex.

  • Most people think that if you hang around your ex and try to be friends it will help. all that will actually happen is you will be used and viewed as someone who is around and not a serious partner.
  • Harassing your ex with millions of emails, thinking volumes of stuff will make them think more of you. They need space, so don’t fill the space with pointless emails.
  • Don’t call them all day, every day, the same as the email harassment, they need space, not your pointless messages. And you need space too. Especially if you are angry, you need to calm down, it isn’t going to help. Think about your actions and give them space. If you are angry, go to the gym!!!
  • The other way to get into their life, is to do jobs/favors for them, to make you look irresistible. it won’t work, they will see through your efforts and lose any respect they may have had. It will turn out that you get used the whole time, this isn’t helping you or them.
  • Making them jealous, should be on the mistakes and good idea list. It all depends on how it is done, if you can do this successfully, they will get jealous, which works. But if it goes wrong, you will be pandering to their ego and shows your desperation.
  • OK the big one, do you or don’t you have sex with your ex? And for a guy this is a tricky one… But the act is showing them you will do whatever it takes to get back into their lives. Which should not be your plan. You need to get back into their lives on an equal footing, not just for the things you can do.
  • Some people who have been dumped after often trying to beg, feel real anger and resentment and the only way to feel some self respect and better about the situation is to threaten your ex. This is clearly a big no-no and may feel the right thing to do to make you feel better. But clearly this is the end of any possibility of a rekindling of your relationship.
  • The last one on the list of things, you should not be doing is another tricky one. Your ex may ask you to change something they do not like about you and in your desperation, you may say you will change Be very careful here as you may not be able to change or worse you may not need to change, and your ex will not think any more of you, if you just jump to their command.

Well that is the list of what you shouldn’t do, I bet you are doing at least one of those, I know I have in the past as love is blind.. Luckily now as I have mentioned before I have found a great guy who can probably help you, check it out here