How to Deal with a Broken Heart

how to get over a broken heartHow to Deal with a Broken Heart

This article was written in partnership with eHarmony.com

I grab at my chest afraid that my heart might somehow explode out of my chest. I feel like I’m dying. I close my eyes and prepare for death. It’s got to be less painful than this.

Even lying on the bed requires too much energy. Somehow I manage to roll onto the floor. I am now literally laying flat on my back. My breath comes in short spurts. I try not to inhale too deeply because if I allow myself to breathe, I know that I will feel the searing pain in my heart.

So I hold my breath, anticipating the next wave of pain.

Inhale…inhale…exhale…sob…hold breath…repeat.

In a way it’s almost like giving birth.

I think about who I can call. Who will understand?

I texted my friend.

Me: I think I’m having a panic attack.
Her: What’s wrong?
Me: My heart is breaking.
As soon as I send these words my emotional water breaks and the tears came pouring out. I know that I will to have to deal with this. There is nowhere left for me to hide, nothing to distract me. No retail therapy or other men will fill the void and assuage the pain. I brace myself and let it wash over me.
I’m semi functional during the day but only because I don’t allow myself to feel anything. I walk around dead on the inside, almost zombie like. At night, the silence and nothingness of my dark room beckons to all of my repressed emotion. I completely fell apart but am careful enough to sob silently so as not to alert my roommates. I spend the next couple of weeks like this.
I don’t know exactly when the pain begins to subside but gradually I realized my heart isn’t as tender. The healing process has begun.

Though my heart had been broken many times before, this experience was different for several reasons:

1. I consciously altered an entrenched pattern
The morning I woke up and realized that I had deeper feelings for this man was anything but romantic, I decided to do things differently. It was downright terrifying. In the past, whenever I “liked” someone, it had always led to pain. To protect my heart, I stopped allowing myself to fall for anyone too deeply. When someone got too close and my fears and insecurities were triggered, I came up with creative ways to run away from the feelings.

This time, I made the conscious decision to do things differently. Instead of running away from the fear I felt, I found a way to express it; to myself through writing and to him in a way that he could hear.

In my conversation with him, I realized how much I had grown in my ability to communicate the emotions I was experiencing maturely and without judgment. Though he responded by telling me that he was “not ready for a relationship,” I was proud of myself for speaking my truth.

2. I let go of the relationship
The conversation revealed that what I wanted and what this man wanted were not the same. In the past, I would have stuck around, trying to convince him that he should want what I wanted; that he should want me.
Instead, I let him go.

I had the courage to say “no” to an experience that was not in alignment with what I wanted. Though it was emotionally painful, the truth of what I had given myself permission to do was a very powerful feeling.

3. I surrendered to the feelings
Over the next several months, I experienced so many different emotions; rejection, fear, pain and sadness. Instead of resisting or avoiding, I chose to give each of these feelings their space to rise and fall naturally.

I didn’t judge myself for being so “upset over a guy.” I was kind and loving and treated myself like I would a friend going through the same experience.

The feelings didn’t magically disappear. In fact, at times they were so strong it seemed I really would die from my broken heart. I was able to move through the pain and heal by facing my fears, opening my heart and surrendering.
Feelings are meant to be felt.

It’s OK to speak your truth.
Have the courage to let go of someone or something that is not aligned with who you are.

Good article on broken hearts

How to keep a healthy relationship

How to keep a healthy relationship

Six Secrets on how to keep a healthy relationship

We all now live in an age where it is more acceptable to swap your relationship for another one, sometimes more often than changing the style of your hair. Dare I say it, but some would say relationships are now disposable, which is crazy but hey, it is what it is these days.

But what do you do, if you have found the right one, when all the bells go off and steam comes out of your ears, when you think of them. Real love, true love,THE ONE!!! Well the most important one for you on your journey through life. How do you now keep hold of it and make it work and move on from all the disposable relationships that you may have had but are definitely all around you.

If this is the one and you will know, the most important thing is what you put into it, to keep it, you will have to work hard at this but you know it is worth it and luckily for you, I have six great secrets to guide you to make a success of your ever so important relationship.

1) Communication

Communication is so important, and the communication between both of you has to be clear and effective. This is more than just talking, it means careful listening and understanding where the other person is coming from. You both have to understand each other’s views and respect them. You have to be very together with your views and if not, then talk to each other.

2) Connection.

A long healthy relationship needs a loving physical connection. I don’t just mean a bedroom connection, which is also important. But for you both to bond, touching, hugging, cuddling is so key and should be done as often as possible. Holding hands in public, hugging wherever and whenever it feels right and cuddling as much as possible will help bring you so much closer together. And the more you do this will make you both more fulfilled, closer, happier and loving towards each other.

3) Get on the same page.

All relationships have to be on the same page, you have to both share certain morals, convictions, religious beliefs, some shared connections. And you should work on these to ensure you have as much shared convictions as are possible. The more you share, the greater the relationship.

4) Sharing of interests.

This is different from being on the same page. You both probably have different interests, which is cool but if you could share some interests, it would be so much better, again you will grow closer as you share the experiences.

5) Spending time together.

To make your relationship work, spending time together is something you not only must do, but want to do. If not then why are you in this relationship? Spending quality time with each other in good times and more importantly during bad times is crucial and will bring you so close together.

6) Spending time away from each other.

After just saying its key to spend time together, it is also crucial to spend time away from each other, with your friends or specific individual interests. This gives you time to think and hopefully miss each other and time away from all that great relationship building work…

The list seems quite obvious, but if followed will improve your relationship so much, they all add to the power of togetherness and keeping you together is the goal.