How to Deal with a Broken Heart

how to get over a broken heartHow to Deal with a Broken Heart

This article was written in partnership with eHarmony.com

I grab at my chest afraid that my heart might somehow explode out of my chest. I feel like I’m dying. I close my eyes and prepare for death. It’s got to be less painful than this.

Even lying on the bed requires too much energy. Somehow I manage to roll onto the floor. I am now literally laying flat on my back. My breath comes in short spurts. I try not to inhale too deeply because if I allow myself to breathe, I know that I will feel the searing pain in my heart.

So I hold my breath, anticipating the next wave of pain.

Inhale…inhale…exhale…sob…hold breath…repeat.

In a way it’s almost like giving birth.

I think about who I can call. Who will understand?

I texted my friend.

Me: I think I’m having a panic attack.
Her: What’s wrong?
Me: My heart is breaking.
As soon as I send these words my emotional water breaks and the tears came pouring out. I know that I will to have to deal with this. There is nowhere left for me to hide, nothing to distract me. No retail therapy or other men will fill the void and assuage the pain. I brace myself and let it wash over me.
I’m semi functional during the day but only because I don’t allow myself to feel anything. I walk around dead on the inside, almost zombie like. At night, the silence and nothingness of my dark room beckons to all of my repressed emotion. I completely fell apart but am careful enough to sob silently so as not to alert my roommates. I spend the next couple of weeks like this.
I don’t know exactly when the pain begins to subside but gradually I realized my heart isn’t as tender. The healing process has begun.

Though my heart had been broken many times before, this experience was different for several reasons:

1. I consciously altered an entrenched pattern
The morning I woke up and realized that I had deeper feelings for this man was anything but romantic, I decided to do things differently. It was downright terrifying. In the past, whenever I “liked” someone, it had always led to pain. To protect my heart, I stopped allowing myself to fall for anyone too deeply. When someone got too close and my fears and insecurities were triggered, I came up with creative ways to run away from the feelings.

This time, I made the conscious decision to do things differently. Instead of running away from the fear I felt, I found a way to express it; to myself through writing and to him in a way that he could hear.

In my conversation with him, I realized how much I had grown in my ability to communicate the emotions I was experiencing maturely and without judgment. Though he responded by telling me that he was “not ready for a relationship,” I was proud of myself for speaking my truth.

2. I let go of the relationship
The conversation revealed that what I wanted and what this man wanted were not the same. In the past, I would have stuck around, trying to convince him that he should want what I wanted; that he should want me.
Instead, I let him go.

I had the courage to say “no” to an experience that was not in alignment with what I wanted. Though it was emotionally painful, the truth of what I had given myself permission to do was a very powerful feeling.

3. I surrendered to the feelings
Over the next several months, I experienced so many different emotions; rejection, fear, pain and sadness. Instead of resisting or avoiding, I chose to give each of these feelings their space to rise and fall naturally.

I didn’t judge myself for being so “upset over a guy.” I was kind and loving and treated myself like I would a friend going through the same experience.

The feelings didn’t magically disappear. In fact, at times they were so strong it seemed I really would die from my broken heart. I was able to move through the pain and heal by facing my fears, opening my heart and surrendering.
Feelings are meant to be felt.

It’s OK to speak your truth.
Have the courage to let go of someone or something that is not aligned with who you are.

Good article on broken hearts

Affirmations For Love Your Husband Wants to Hear

Affirmations For LoveThanks again to www.mothersniche.com Affirmations For Love Your Husband Wants to Hear. Come on ladies, you know he is a little needy when it comes to feeling loved, so go on spoil him.

Thank you for working so hard
There’s my man!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You are wonderful
Thank you for listening
That’s a fabulous idea!
Thank you for caring
I admire your strength
I trust you completely
You make things happen
Thanks for fixing that
How can I Help?
I admire your faith
You are an amazing father
I love to watch you be a dad
What a gentleman you are!
The day goes by 10 times faster when you’re home!
How are you so handsome?!
I can’t stop looking at you
Wow! Thank You
Thanks for all your help around the house
Thank you for leading, directing and protecting our family!
I trust you with everything
You did amazing
Thanks for doing that
I’m so happy
That was really kind of you
You are incredible
I like the way you think
You always have the best suggestions
Is there anything you can’t do?!
I love being with you
You are a genius!
You conquered today!
You are an amazing husband
I’m lucky to have you
I’m grateful I married you
Just hold me
I respect you for that
You are too good to me
That was so meaningful to me
Thank you for your sacrifice
You know exactly what I need!
I love it when you…
I am thrilled!
What would be a fun date night for you?
You are so funny
I’m in love with you
You will do great!
I’ve never known you not to succeed

Obviously every relationship is different, so not all of these will be your favorite…but you know your spouse best! Work with their love language and put these affirmations to work!

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE WORDS OF AFFIRMATION?

Would you add any to the list?

Affirmations that will change your life

Love affirmations Your Wife Wants to Hear

love affirmations for your lovely wifeA great post from www.mothersniche.com

Love Affirmations Your Wife Wants to Hear:

You are Beautiful (in a world that is telling woman so many things about their appearance, this one is my absolute favorite).
Thank you for preparing that meal (And if you really liked it, you should let her know).
You are a great mother
Look how much our kids love you!
You are doing a fantastic job
Thank You for..
You inspired me when….
I love your smile
I’m so thankful to be married to
I love to get ideas from you
How are you so creative?
You never cease to amaze me
You are so good to me!
You look really good in that
You’ve made our house a home
You are so kind
I love to watch you interact with other people
You make life rich
I’ll never stop loving you
I definitely married up!
I’m so proud of you
You are so smart
I’m one lucky man!
You are FUN
How do you do that?
You make everything wonderful
You are incredible
I love the way you…
I admire your ability to…
I LOVE you
You’ve got this!
You empower me
I would love to help out
I’m grateful to have you as a best friend
Your ideas are fantastic
Keep doing what you’re doing
Thank you for your support
I thought about you today when…
I am so impressed
Don’t worry, tomorrow is a new day
Let’s get something to eat (100% success rate on me)
I love to being with you
Let’s talk about something
You’re really good at that
I love coming home
I’m going to make it up to you
Kiss me
You are such a great wife
Please keep being awesome
I would love to

How to Use Affirmations Effectively

Top 20 Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas

ideas for date nightAnother great post from www.happywivesclub.com Top 20 Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas.

We all know how important frequent date nights are for keeping the fire burning with our spouse.

But when money is tight, or a babysitter is nowhere to be found, keeping a regular date night can be a challenge. We’re here to help!

We’ve scoured the web, looking for the best, cheapest, most creative stay-at-home date nights and compiled a list of the top 20 we found online.

So grab your hubby, put the kids down for the night, and get your date night on!

Iron Chef Chocolate: Make a meal with chocolate featured in every course. Who says chocolate can’t be served as a main course? You can either make a meal together or divide up the courses between each of you and surprise the other with your sweet & savory creations.

Strip Trivia: Make it a hot night with this sizzling bedroom game. Tease each other with one steamy question at a time to set one another on fire!

Make It a Theme Night! Choose a theme and center everything you do around it. For example, if you choose an Italian theme, you could eat spaghetti and gelato, then watch a movie like The Italian Job or Life is Beautiful. Some other fun theme ideas: Mexican, Asian, Christmas, Kid’s theme, 1950′s (or any decade), etcetera.

Living Room Camp-Out: Get anything you have that makes you feel like your camping out and set it up in your living room (i.e. camping chairs, turn off the lights and use flashlights, blanket…). Make tin foil dinners in your oven for the dinner.

Crepes in Paris (no ticket required): Spend an evening in Paris right in your very own home enjoying create-your-own-crepes and creative spouse caricatures. So fun!

Create a DIY Photoshoot: When’s the last time the two of you were in the same photo? Using your tripod or Apple photo booth, snap pics together in various rooms of your home for memories you’ll never forget.

Kid-Free Slumber Party: Make a cozy pallet for you and your spouse on the living room floor [with] lots of blankets, pillows, snacks, and movies. We call it a ‘slumber party.‘ It’s a little silly, but super fun and makes us enjoy the little things in life.

All Dressed Up & Nowhere to Go: Pull out your nicest formal dress from your last cruise or even from your high school or college prom (if yours still fits.. good for you! I’m not even close to fitting into mine), light dozens of tea candles, and have a romantic, fancy dinner.

Out of Character: Dress up as an actor from a movie and pick the character for each other (think Tom Cruise in Risky Business).

Dream Date by Design: Design your own Dream Date with an easy survey! Have your sweetheart do one also, to create two amazing dates!

Turn Your Bedroom Into a Love Nest: I purchased a bed canopy years ago. Occasionally I’ll pull it out, dust it off and put it up for the night. Then I fill the room with candlelight and other sundry romantic items and pretend that Mr. Beguiles and I are tucked away in a sumptuous hotel room or cottage somewhere.

Karaoke Night – oh yeah! Find songs with lyrics on YouTube and sing your heart out. This is funniest if you can find some heart-wrenching ballads to belt out.

Dance the night away: It has all the intimacy of a club without the downside of slipping in spilled drinks. Rehash the days of the high school dance. Turn down the lights, turn up the music and be sure to dance two feet apart. Just kidding! Getting close is the point, and what better way to get close to your spouse than dancing in your own private gala?

Vacation Planning Date: Turn planning your next vacation into a fabulous and fun date night with our great printables!

Get a Taste of Another Culture: Plan out a delish meal of Paella and sangria, prepare it together and then dig in. Love Indian? Make your own Chicken Tikka Masala.

Write out the story of how you met (and fell in love): Better yet- video tape it! Your kids and future posterity will be so grateful and it is so fun to go back and read (or watch) years down the road. It’s amazing how much you will forget!

Wine Bar at Home: Buy a few different bottles of wine (get 20 great picks under $20), make a plate of meats and cheeses, light some candles and load up your iPod with your favorite tunes.

Something Old, New, Borrowed & Blue! Celebrate your lifelong commitment to your sweetheart with this “Something Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue” themed date! This date is a true celebration of love.

Play the Newlywed Game! See how well you really know one another. Have prizes for every correct answer. You can check out some fun questions here.

It’s a Love Match! Create some sparks with your sweetheart with this free printable that puts a romantic spin on the classic game of Memory!

Didn’t find something on this list that floats your boat? Find an endless amount of creative and cheap stay-at-home date nights at my absolute favorite date night site: The Dating Divas. These fabulous ladies love their hubbies and have made a career out of sharing their awesome date night ideas with us.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

The Top 50 Date-Night Ideas of All Time

3 Simple Steps to Connect More Deeply with Your Husband

how to save a relationshipHere is a great post by www.happywivesclub.com 3 Simple Steps to Connect More Deeply with Your Husband, it could also be called how to save a relationship, your relationship. Real easy to do, just do it.

Kim Hall is a great contributor to the website – www.happywivesclub.com

The more I got to know her, the more I realized how deep that happiness ran (and her passion for practicing gratitude daily).

This much I know about Kim: she loves her husband, she adores her family, she is living the life she most desires, and she’s pretty darn happy!

For those reasons (and so many more), I love reading everything she writes. So without further ado…

Have you ever gotten into an apocalyptic battle a civil discussion with your husband about how you are being treated like a slave are not feeling appreciated?

Did you gain insight and perspective, or did one or both of you just ultimately walk away from the conversation with more hurt feelings?

Some time ago my hubby and I learned a better way to handle these situations, and we always come away feeling more enlightened and connected.

Here are 3 simple steps to connect more deeply with your husband:

1. Set the stage. Plan for quiet time together, just the two of you (no television or other distractions), perhaps by taking a walk, relaxing after a meal, or just getting comfortable.

2. Ask the question. The essence is this:“What do I do that shows you I love you?”

I encourage you to introduce it like this: “I’m curious. I’ve been thinking about the things that I do or could do that show you I love you, and I wonder if you would share something I do that makes you feel loved.

Your husband may need some time to think, possibly beyond today, especially if he feels he’s being pressured to give the “right answer”, which is probably not his true answer. Just be patient. After all, nagging probably doesn’t make him feel loved. 🙂

3. Respond with loving action. . . even if his answer is not what you expected. There’s an excellent possibility he may not answer with the ONE THING that you are sure makes his heart sing. But then, that is the whole point of asking, isn’t it? Your goal is to gather quality information and act with awareness so your husband will feel deeply loved.

If his answer surprises and/or disappoints you, this is NOT your cue to pounce on him like a tiger on wounded prey. Take a few deep breaths and get curious rather than frustrated.

Take the opportunity to share with him as well. Let him know something he does that shows you he loves you. These actions can take many forms, such as leaving little love notes, gently touching your shoulder, taking out the trash, giving you his undivided attention, etc.

Once he shares what makes him feel loved, be sure to do more of that, and you will be delighted by the results!

Remember, it is what we pay attention to in our relationship that grows.

QUESTION: What do you do that shows your husband you love him, or what does he do for you? I invite you to join in the conversation!

Knowing how to save a relationship is fundamental these days.

Is my relationship healthy? If not try this “30 Date Your Husband From Home Questions”

healthy relationships are greatHere is a great article from ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.ca Is my relationship healthy?

If not then why not – Spice Up Your Marriage…

You want to date your husband, but you are out of money, you can’t find a sitter, or you are just plain sick of the same old thing?

TRY THIS FUN GAME! No matter how long you have been marriage, this is one fun way to get you talking, thinking, and spending quality time together. My husband and I tried this last night and it was so much fun! Some questions I made up and the rest I found online and tweaked a bit!

HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO:

1.Put the kids to bed.
2.Print out the following questions using the printer friendly button at the bottom of this post.
3.Cut up the questions and fold them two times.
4.Put them in a bowl.
5. Take turns picking a question and reading it aloud to your spouse. The spouse listening must answer the question being asked.

SO FUN! Here are 30 suggested questions to try out with your spouse:

1. Tell me one thing that I did this past week that impressed you.

2. What is one thing you hope to accomplish in the next 5 years?

3. What is your favorite book of the Bible and why?

4. Name one person in your life that inspires you to become a better person.

5. What makes you most fulfilled or happiest as a husband/wife?

6. What makes you most fulfilled or happiest as a father/mother?

7. What are you looking forward to the most in the next year?

8. In what area of your spiritual walk would you like to improve on?

9. What do I do that pleases you the most physically?

10. What was your very first impression of me?

11. If you weren’t in the profession you are now, what would be your dream profession and why?

12. Name 3 qualities that attracted you to me when we first met?

13. What is you dream destination and why?

14. If your house were on fire and you had a chance to grab only 3 material items, what would they be?

15. If you could have witnessed any biblical event, which one would you choose?

16. What is the best way for me to encourage you when you are feeling down?

17. What are 3 essential values we want our children to embrace above all others?

18. What can we do as a couple to change the world we live in?

19. What goals would you like us to accomplish in our marriage in the next 1, 5, and 10 years?

20. Whose marriage do you most consider to be a model marriage and why?

21. With so many marriages failing, what steps can you and I take to ensure that we stay close as a couple physically, emotionally and spiritually?

22. I like it best when you refer to me as ________.

23. The song that always makes me think of you is ______.

24. My favorite memory of our wedding day is _________.

25. I laugh every time I think of you doing ___________.

26. If you had a chance to jump out of a plane or bungee jump, which one would you choose?

27. What is your idea of a truly romantic evening?

28. What is one thing you want to do before you die?

29. What is one thing that might spice up our love life?

30. In our marriage, which do you think we need more of? Kindness, quality time, or intimacy?

Now ask yourself, after you have tried this – Is my relationship healthy?

Do ex boyfriends always come back these days?

do ex boyfriends come back these days?OK girls, here are some facts you probably need to know about your guy. You seem to struggle to relate to the guy you love, you don’t always speak the same language as each other. Guys say things that hurt you but were not intended to and then guys get very confused when they get the cold shoulder and tears come into play.

At this point all hell breaks loose as neither of you know what happened but you both feel it wasn’t your fault and in fact are certain it was the other person’s fault and feel hurt. But these flare ups do not need to happen, girls just need to better understand their guys. And as girls are the smarter sex it probably is up to you to get a better understanding as guys won’t as you know…

Here come those boyfriend facts…

1) Guys do think about absolutely nothing

You may not believe me but it is true, every man has the innate ability to think about nothing. So don’t worry or take it the wrong way if he doesn’t share he’s thoughts with you. As strangely as it may seem he may not have any thoughts!!!

So don’t concern yourself, just believe this fact.

2) He loves you and doesn’t want you to change

He actually just wants you to remain the same way, the day you both met. All happy, excited, touchy feely, he doesn’t want that to ever go away.

3) Change isn’t good in his mind

As mentioned, guys really do not do change at all. That is for you to change and more importantly for them to change. He wants everything the way it is, so no exercise, no healthy eating, same chair in front of the tv, same car, same, same, same. Scary isn’t it but great information for you, so you know when you want to make changes, he may freak out !!

4) Emotion is important to him as well

Females believe their partners are emotionally shallow but this is wrong, men do not show their emotions readily but they have strong emotions and often very deep. He may not say he loves you every day but deep down his love for his family and you is very strong. But he needs to understand you feel the same way.

You need to take these simple facts in and they will help you understand him better and hopefully with understanding will come a better appreciation of your man and what is driving him to be the way he is.

Do ex boyfriends always come back these days? Well yes they do come back, not always but as you can see from this list, there are lots of things you can do to control your guy.

What to do when your husband cheats?

What to do when your husband cheatsHow can I forgive my husband for cheating?

So many other questions come to mind and I would imagine have done for so many years for so many women. Divorce has only been an option recently for women to get out of their marriage if there was cheating involved. While this is one solution, its not necessarily the ideal one. Marriages can and do survive cheating a lot these days, in fact statistically the amount of cheating is incredible but also the amount of marriages that survive is also quite incredible. Apparently just over 40% of marriages have either partner admitting to cheating and what is interesting is the fact the numbers are quite equal between the sexes.

31% of marriages last after cheating has been found out, while 50% of all marriages end in divorce. So there is a good deal of hope in survival after cheating, if that is what you want to do.

So, lots of statistics, but does this help forgiving your man for potentially committing one of the ultimate sins? Probably not, but it gives you some context and shows it is really worth the effort as it can work.

For you to forgive him, you will need time and space to give this the thought it deserves, this is obviously an enormous blow to you. You need to really consider what it means to you and what YOU want to do with your life next. You need to take as much time as you need, you are in control now, no-one else, no-one else can call the shots now. You have all the cards or should do and if you don’t, make sure you do. You must not let anybody push you into any decisions until you are ready, if you do anything before you are good and ready, it could cause you to close down and prevent you from being able to think straight, which is not good for you, your marriage or anyone.

This stage is all about you. So if he is trying to get back into your life, there is nothing wrong in watching him work at it and dragging it out, after all it was his fault. And although it cannot remove the pain, it in some small way helps you and you deserve some small payback. But if you know he has no chance, it won’t make you feel better if you let him squirm for too long.

Women over the years have been told it is their fault if their man strays, which is ridiculous as you know. So do not blame yourself, he did this, he is responsible, take time to understand that. You have to forgive yourself first before you can ever consider forgiving him.

Forgiving someone for cheating has to be one of the most difficult things you can ever do in your life but it is possible and I hope the thoughts here can help you. It is not going to be easy, but if YOU want to do this after giving yourself time and careful consideration, I applaud your strength of character and wish you all the best in the world.

Good luck.

How to keep a healthy relationship

How to keep a healthy relationship

Six Secrets on how to keep a healthy relationship

We all now live in an age where it is more acceptable to swap your relationship for another one, sometimes more often than changing the style of your hair. Dare I say it, but some would say relationships are now disposable, which is crazy but hey, it is what it is these days.

But what do you do, if you have found the right one, when all the bells go off and steam comes out of your ears, when you think of them. Real love, true love,THE ONE!!! Well the most important one for you on your journey through life. How do you now keep hold of it and make it work and move on from all the disposable relationships that you may have had but are definitely all around you.

If this is the one and you will know, the most important thing is what you put into it, to keep it, you will have to work hard at this but you know it is worth it and luckily for you, I have six great secrets to guide you to make a success of your ever so important relationship.

1) Communication

Communication is so important, and the communication between both of you has to be clear and effective. This is more than just talking, it means careful listening and understanding where the other person is coming from. You both have to understand each other’s views and respect them. You have to be very together with your views and if not, then talk to each other.

2) Connection.

A long healthy relationship needs a loving physical connection. I don’t just mean a bedroom connection, which is also important. But for you both to bond, touching, hugging, cuddling is so key and should be done as often as possible. Holding hands in public, hugging wherever and whenever it feels right and cuddling as much as possible will help bring you so much closer together. And the more you do this will make you both more fulfilled, closer, happier and loving towards each other.

3) Get on the same page.

All relationships have to be on the same page, you have to both share certain morals, convictions, religious beliefs, some shared connections. And you should work on these to ensure you have as much shared convictions as are possible. The more you share, the greater the relationship.

4) Sharing of interests.

This is different from being on the same page. You both probably have different interests, which is cool but if you could share some interests, it would be so much better, again you will grow closer as you share the experiences.

5) Spending time together.

To make your relationship work, spending time together is something you not only must do, but want to do. If not then why are you in this relationship? Spending quality time with each other in good times and more importantly during bad times is crucial and will bring you so close together.

6) Spending time away from each other.

After just saying its key to spend time together, it is also crucial to spend time away from each other, with your friends or specific individual interests. This gives you time to think and hopefully miss each other and time away from all that great relationship building work…

The list seems quite obvious, but if followed will improve your relationship so much, they all add to the power of togetherness and keeping you together is the goal.

How to get back together after a break up (Lazy Man’s Guide)

How to get back together after a break upIt is very difficult to break up, and more so if it wasn’t your idea. And men can do some crazy stuff to get their wives or girlfriends back. They handle this traumatic time in many different ways. and the crazy stuff can consist of negotiating, begging, bribery, and sometimes stalking. Some men accept it and move on, in time and put it down to experience.

It will take time to fix a heart that is broken and restore enough confidence to get them back in the dating game. But some won’t take no for an answer and are desperate to get their girl back but have no real plan to do it, so often resort to some strange ideas.

But it is simpler than you may think.

Fortunately, hoop jumping really isn’t necessary to get her back. You don’t even have to do the chasing. You’ll probably be surprised to learn just how easy it can be to get her to come back to you. Here is a short list of things you can do easily.

Don’t phone her

This has got to be easy, right? Well it can be but men struggle with this particular inactivity as they need to protect and defend and therefore feel a great need to convince their ex to change their mind. And chase them down until they agree. But in real life this is not a great idea.

So, don’t phone her, give her some time to consider things and it was good between you.

Change some things at Home

Have a look at how you look, make some small changes, they will get noticed in a positive way. You don’t need a complete change. Try some gym work or get involved in sport to improve your fitness and tone. Maybe even try making your teeth whiter.

Also try and not eat as much, don’t have to diet, just cut out that second portion, portion control really works.

She will come around, you’ll see

News travels fast, even in your part of the world, your small changes will be noticed and that is exactly what you want. People and particularly your ex will want to know what is going on, why you have made the changes and who are they for. She will be going crazy, asking around to get the lowdown to find out how you are managing well on your own. She will try and accidently meet you in the mall or wherever to see for herself what has changed.

Then you have you big chance to speak to her on your terms as she will have come around and be interested again.

Now you know how to get back together after a break up.

Good luck.