How to Deal with a Broken Heart

how to get over a broken heartHow to Deal with a Broken Heart

This article was written in partnership with eHarmony.com

I grab at my chest afraid that my heart might somehow explode out of my chest. I feel like I’m dying. I close my eyes and prepare for death. It’s got to be less painful than this.

Even lying on the bed requires too much energy. Somehow I manage to roll onto the floor. I am now literally laying flat on my back. My breath comes in short spurts. I try not to inhale too deeply because if I allow myself to breathe, I know that I will feel the searing pain in my heart.

So I hold my breath, anticipating the next wave of pain.

Inhale…inhale…exhale…sob…hold breath…repeat.

In a way it’s almost like giving birth.

I think about who I can call. Who will understand?

I texted my friend.

Me: I think I’m having a panic attack.
Her: What’s wrong?
Me: My heart is breaking.
As soon as I send these words my emotional water breaks and the tears came pouring out. I know that I will to have to deal with this. There is nowhere left for me to hide, nothing to distract me. No retail therapy or other men will fill the void and assuage the pain. I brace myself and let it wash over me.
I’m semi functional during the day but only because I don’t allow myself to feel anything. I walk around dead on the inside, almost zombie like. At night, the silence and nothingness of my dark room beckons to all of my repressed emotion. I completely fell apart but am careful enough to sob silently so as not to alert my roommates. I spend the next couple of weeks like this.
I don’t know exactly when the pain begins to subside but gradually I realized my heart isn’t as tender. The healing process has begun.

Though my heart had been broken many times before, this experience was different for several reasons:

1. I consciously altered an entrenched pattern
The morning I woke up and realized that I had deeper feelings for this man was anything but romantic, I decided to do things differently. It was downright terrifying. In the past, whenever I “liked” someone, it had always led to pain. To protect my heart, I stopped allowing myself to fall for anyone too deeply. When someone got too close and my fears and insecurities were triggered, I came up with creative ways to run away from the feelings.

This time, I made the conscious decision to do things differently. Instead of running away from the fear I felt, I found a way to express it; to myself through writing and to him in a way that he could hear.

In my conversation with him, I realized how much I had grown in my ability to communicate the emotions I was experiencing maturely and without judgment. Though he responded by telling me that he was “not ready for a relationship,” I was proud of myself for speaking my truth.

2. I let go of the relationship
The conversation revealed that what I wanted and what this man wanted were not the same. In the past, I would have stuck around, trying to convince him that he should want what I wanted; that he should want me.
Instead, I let him go.

I had the courage to say “no” to an experience that was not in alignment with what I wanted. Though it was emotionally painful, the truth of what I had given myself permission to do was a very powerful feeling.

3. I surrendered to the feelings
Over the next several months, I experienced so many different emotions; rejection, fear, pain and sadness. Instead of resisting or avoiding, I chose to give each of these feelings their space to rise and fall naturally.

I didn’t judge myself for being so “upset over a guy.” I was kind and loving and treated myself like I would a friend going through the same experience.

The feelings didn’t magically disappear. In fact, at times they were so strong it seemed I really would die from my broken heart. I was able to move through the pain and heal by facing my fears, opening my heart and surrendering.
Feelings are meant to be felt.

It’s OK to speak your truth.
Have the courage to let go of someone or something that is not aligned with who you are.

Good article on broken hearts

Top 20 Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas

ideas for date nightAnother great post from www.happywivesclub.com Top 20 Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas.

We all know how important frequent date nights are for keeping the fire burning with our spouse.

But when money is tight, or a babysitter is nowhere to be found, keeping a regular date night can be a challenge. We’re here to help!

We’ve scoured the web, looking for the best, cheapest, most creative stay-at-home date nights and compiled a list of the top 20 we found online.

So grab your hubby, put the kids down for the night, and get your date night on!

Iron Chef Chocolate: Make a meal with chocolate featured in every course. Who says chocolate can’t be served as a main course? You can either make a meal together or divide up the courses between each of you and surprise the other with your sweet & savory creations.

Strip Trivia: Make it a hot night with this sizzling bedroom game. Tease each other with one steamy question at a time to set one another on fire!

Make It a Theme Night! Choose a theme and center everything you do around it. For example, if you choose an Italian theme, you could eat spaghetti and gelato, then watch a movie like The Italian Job or Life is Beautiful. Some other fun theme ideas: Mexican, Asian, Christmas, Kid’s theme, 1950′s (or any decade), etcetera.

Living Room Camp-Out: Get anything you have that makes you feel like your camping out and set it up in your living room (i.e. camping chairs, turn off the lights and use flashlights, blanket…). Make tin foil dinners in your oven for the dinner.

Crepes in Paris (no ticket required): Spend an evening in Paris right in your very own home enjoying create-your-own-crepes and creative spouse caricatures. So fun!

Create a DIY Photoshoot: When’s the last time the two of you were in the same photo? Using your tripod or Apple photo booth, snap pics together in various rooms of your home for memories you’ll never forget.

Kid-Free Slumber Party: Make a cozy pallet for you and your spouse on the living room floor [with] lots of blankets, pillows, snacks, and movies. We call it a ‘slumber party.‘ It’s a little silly, but super fun and makes us enjoy the little things in life.

All Dressed Up & Nowhere to Go: Pull out your nicest formal dress from your last cruise or even from your high school or college prom (if yours still fits.. good for you! I’m not even close to fitting into mine), light dozens of tea candles, and have a romantic, fancy dinner.

Out of Character: Dress up as an actor from a movie and pick the character for each other (think Tom Cruise in Risky Business).

Dream Date by Design: Design your own Dream Date with an easy survey! Have your sweetheart do one also, to create two amazing dates!

Turn Your Bedroom Into a Love Nest: I purchased a bed canopy years ago. Occasionally I’ll pull it out, dust it off and put it up for the night. Then I fill the room with candlelight and other sundry romantic items and pretend that Mr. Beguiles and I are tucked away in a sumptuous hotel room or cottage somewhere.

Karaoke Night – oh yeah! Find songs with lyrics on YouTube and sing your heart out. This is funniest if you can find some heart-wrenching ballads to belt out.

Dance the night away: It has all the intimacy of a club without the downside of slipping in spilled drinks. Rehash the days of the high school dance. Turn down the lights, turn up the music and be sure to dance two feet apart. Just kidding! Getting close is the point, and what better way to get close to your spouse than dancing in your own private gala?

Vacation Planning Date: Turn planning your next vacation into a fabulous and fun date night with our great printables!

Get a Taste of Another Culture: Plan out a delish meal of Paella and sangria, prepare it together and then dig in. Love Indian? Make your own Chicken Tikka Masala.

Write out the story of how you met (and fell in love): Better yet- video tape it! Your kids and future posterity will be so grateful and it is so fun to go back and read (or watch) years down the road. It’s amazing how much you will forget!

Wine Bar at Home: Buy a few different bottles of wine (get 20 great picks under $20), make a plate of meats and cheeses, light some candles and load up your iPod with your favorite tunes.

Something Old, New, Borrowed & Blue! Celebrate your lifelong commitment to your sweetheart with this “Something Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue” themed date! This date is a true celebration of love.

Play the Newlywed Game! See how well you really know one another. Have prizes for every correct answer. You can check out some fun questions here.

It’s a Love Match! Create some sparks with your sweetheart with this free printable that puts a romantic spin on the classic game of Memory!

Didn’t find something on this list that floats your boat? Find an endless amount of creative and cheap stay-at-home date nights at my absolute favorite date night site: The Dating Divas. These fabulous ladies love their hubbies and have made a career out of sharing their awesome date night ideas with us.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

The Top 50 Date-Night Ideas of All Time

3 Simple Steps to Connect More Deeply with Your Husband

how to save a relationshipHere is a great post by www.happywivesclub.com 3 Simple Steps to Connect More Deeply with Your Husband, it could also be called how to save a relationship, your relationship. Real easy to do, just do it.

Kim Hall is a great contributor to the website – www.happywivesclub.com

The more I got to know her, the more I realized how deep that happiness ran (and her passion for practicing gratitude daily).

This much I know about Kim: she loves her husband, she adores her family, she is living the life she most desires, and she’s pretty darn happy!

For those reasons (and so many more), I love reading everything she writes. So without further ado…

Have you ever gotten into an apocalyptic battle a civil discussion with your husband about how you are being treated like a slave are not feeling appreciated?

Did you gain insight and perspective, or did one or both of you just ultimately walk away from the conversation with more hurt feelings?

Some time ago my hubby and I learned a better way to handle these situations, and we always come away feeling more enlightened and connected.

Here are 3 simple steps to connect more deeply with your husband:

1. Set the stage. Plan for quiet time together, just the two of you (no television or other distractions), perhaps by taking a walk, relaxing after a meal, or just getting comfortable.

2. Ask the question. The essence is this:“What do I do that shows you I love you?”

I encourage you to introduce it like this: “I’m curious. I’ve been thinking about the things that I do or could do that show you I love you, and I wonder if you would share something I do that makes you feel loved.

Your husband may need some time to think, possibly beyond today, especially if he feels he’s being pressured to give the “right answer”, which is probably not his true answer. Just be patient. After all, nagging probably doesn’t make him feel loved. 🙂

3. Respond with loving action. . . even if his answer is not what you expected. There’s an excellent possibility he may not answer with the ONE THING that you are sure makes his heart sing. But then, that is the whole point of asking, isn’t it? Your goal is to gather quality information and act with awareness so your husband will feel deeply loved.

If his answer surprises and/or disappoints you, this is NOT your cue to pounce on him like a tiger on wounded prey. Take a few deep breaths and get curious rather than frustrated.

Take the opportunity to share with him as well. Let him know something he does that shows you he loves you. These actions can take many forms, such as leaving little love notes, gently touching your shoulder, taking out the trash, giving you his undivided attention, etc.

Once he shares what makes him feel loved, be sure to do more of that, and you will be delighted by the results!

Remember, it is what we pay attention to in our relationship that grows.

QUESTION: What do you do that shows your husband you love him, or what does he do for you? I invite you to join in the conversation!

Knowing how to save a relationship is fundamental these days.

Is my relationship healthy? If not try this “30 Date Your Husband From Home Questions”

healthy relationships are greatHere is a great article from ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.ca Is my relationship healthy?

If not then why not – Spice Up Your Marriage…

You want to date your husband, but you are out of money, you can’t find a sitter, or you are just plain sick of the same old thing?

TRY THIS FUN GAME! No matter how long you have been marriage, this is one fun way to get you talking, thinking, and spending quality time together. My husband and I tried this last night and it was so much fun! Some questions I made up and the rest I found online and tweaked a bit!

HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO:

1.Put the kids to bed.
2.Print out the following questions using the printer friendly button at the bottom of this post.
3.Cut up the questions and fold them two times.
4.Put them in a bowl.
5. Take turns picking a question and reading it aloud to your spouse. The spouse listening must answer the question being asked.

SO FUN! Here are 30 suggested questions to try out with your spouse:

1. Tell me one thing that I did this past week that impressed you.

2. What is one thing you hope to accomplish in the next 5 years?

3. What is your favorite book of the Bible and why?

4. Name one person in your life that inspires you to become a better person.

5. What makes you most fulfilled or happiest as a husband/wife?

6. What makes you most fulfilled or happiest as a father/mother?

7. What are you looking forward to the most in the next year?

8. In what area of your spiritual walk would you like to improve on?

9. What do I do that pleases you the most physically?

10. What was your very first impression of me?

11. If you weren’t in the profession you are now, what would be your dream profession and why?

12. Name 3 qualities that attracted you to me when we first met?

13. What is you dream destination and why?

14. If your house were on fire and you had a chance to grab only 3 material items, what would they be?

15. If you could have witnessed any biblical event, which one would you choose?

16. What is the best way for me to encourage you when you are feeling down?

17. What are 3 essential values we want our children to embrace above all others?

18. What can we do as a couple to change the world we live in?

19. What goals would you like us to accomplish in our marriage in the next 1, 5, and 10 years?

20. Whose marriage do you most consider to be a model marriage and why?

21. With so many marriages failing, what steps can you and I take to ensure that we stay close as a couple physically, emotionally and spiritually?

22. I like it best when you refer to me as ________.

23. The song that always makes me think of you is ______.

24. My favorite memory of our wedding day is _________.

25. I laugh every time I think of you doing ___________.

26. If you had a chance to jump out of a plane or bungee jump, which one would you choose?

27. What is your idea of a truly romantic evening?

28. What is one thing you want to do before you die?

29. What is one thing that might spice up our love life?

30. In our marriage, which do you think we need more of? Kindness, quality time, or intimacy?

Now ask yourself, after you have tried this – Is my relationship healthy?

How to rekindle a relationship (fun date night ideas not working? )

how to rekindle a relationshipAre You having fun on your date nights or are they not going well?

To put some love back into your relationship and to rekindle a relationship; a date with your loved one can really help. Even if you’re going through a bit of a problem period (seven year itch) or considering calling it quits, making the effort to have a date night and importantly making the right choices can be an enormous win for your relationship, whether you are married or not. But unfortunately, date night mistakes are easily made and can be of enormous proportions, the mistakes listed below can be disastrous for you and your loved ones attempts to save your relationship. The important step here is how to rekindle a relationship and these mistakes show you what not to do.

Spending the Entire Night Discussing Family Problems

Your date night should be special and free from any mundane problems affecting the two of you. It has to be all about just you two and nothing else, the focus is all on you. So no in-laws, outlaws, children or friends and definitely no parents. This is a great opportunity to have a romantic time together, so do not bring any bad feelings or ‘old wounds’ with you.

Bringing Work Along on Your Date

Do not bring work with you, it will not only destroy the mood but will cause resentment. In many relationships, work is an issue, your partner feels they take 2nd place to your job and more importantly you put your job before the family. Any work discussion could cause resentment and boil over into a big argument. And basically will kill the mood, but can be avoided for that one night, which will be great for both of you.

Cancelling Date Night or Rearranging it at the Last Minute

Don’t ever cancel date night, that is an enormous problem, unless somebody dies, it is that important. If it gets canceled, it is saying to both of you, the reason for cancelling is more important than your relationship. But as we know life does get in the way, the key is then to do all you can to deal with the issue and ensure it happens. Whatever you have to do is better than dealing with the fallout of a cancellation.

And the same would be if there were any last minute changes, this would really cause problems and to be honest if you aren’t going to take the date night with the serious it deserves, its better not to consider it at all.

Falling into a Date Night Rut

Ok so date night has to be fun, exciting, it must not be allowed to become boring or routine, do not do the same old thing each week. Please, please don’t go to a movie and dinner each week. You have really got to switch it up, go somewhere different, take some time to plan something different, surprise each other. This has to be exciting and fun, so steak and soup and a movie with popcorn, is ok one week but that’s got to be it!!

Discuss date night, agree a list of things you would each like to do and grant each other your favorite wish. That will really liven up date night and could be quite exciting. The wishes do not have to be too crazy or expensive, just a little different and fun.

Do this and your relationship will not only improve but it will be one where you do not take each other for granted, which is so important.

Surviving a breakup

surviving a breakupI know you are here because you are struggling with a really tough situation, I have been there and you don’t know what to do for the best, breaking up with a loved one is so painful.


But I think I can help you, I have found a Southern guy, who has a Southern drawl but he knows what he is talking about. I really like what he says about how you can really turn this around if you stop what you are doing and follow his advice. He says you have to start with what’s inside you. In fact he has a video that can help you RIGHT NOW and I would love for you to watch it here.


This guy has helped over 50,000 people across 77 countries and I would love you to meet him, his name is T. Dub Jackson. To be honest I am not sure if he can you in your particular situation, but you have nothing to lose by watching his great videos, no bs, just straight talking advice, you can use right now..

You could be going about this all wrong… He tells you what you should do when you contact your ex next.


He can do more than help you in surviving a breakup, he can help you get back with your ex.

Good reference for relationships

Good luck in surviving a breakup, your breakup, but please remember, you don’t have to only survive it you can rebuild it.